Life As Nick Starr

A few weeks ago I was feeling depressed and alone. I had been working about 80 miles away from where I normally live and there wasn’t anything to do there. I didn’t know anyone in the area, and driving home to see the few friends I do have locally was costly on gas. I went out one night and started having a few drinks alone. This fueled my feelings of loneliness and depression (something that I have suffered with almost all of my life). I got to the point that night where I felt that ending my life would make things better for me.

My thoughts spilled out onto the micro-blog Twitter, which I have been posting to for some time now. I began playing out the thoughts that were going thru my head and the method of my suicide on Twitter. As I left and started driving, I parked and gazed upon the very bridge which I planned my demise.

Fortunately, I fell asleep shortly thereafter and woke up the next morning feeling better, but still not happy. I found out the next day that my actions posted on Twitter had caused many people to become concerned for my safety. I spoke with my friends Dawn and Drew that next day about what happened the night prior. It felt good to have someone to be able to speak to about the issues that were spinning thru my head.

I decided to seek professional help in order to have someone to speak with about these issues. I have been out of communication with almost everyone online over the past few weeks, and I apologize for publishing this update for those who still weren’t aware of my current state.

I want to apologize to everyone for my actions. I never meant to cause such pain and worry to so many individuals. Depression and suicide are often very selfish actions where one isn’t aware of anyone else’s worry except their own. The sense that there is nothing worth living for is not something I feel now, but there have been dark times which I felt this was the only option. I want to let everyone know that I am on the road to becoming mentally healthy.

This all being said, I am slowly working on building upon the relationships that I have and working on myself to become a stronger person for when dark times arrive. Thank you again to everyone who sent me emails and messages, I am just now finishing reading all of them. It is encouraging to see that there are so many people who care. Thank you again for your support and I hope you will see great things and progress in the weeks and months to come.

Again, I want to say that I am truly sorry to anyone who I hurt or scarred in the past few weeks.

Thank you,

Nicholas R. Starr Schuler